There's a scene in the movie Master and Commander where two of the ship's officers are talking about the HMS Surprise. One of them says something along the lines of "The Captain says that there is so much of his blood in her decks that he considers her a relative".
I feel much the same way about our House. Not that I spilled blood in here, mostly just coffee, but this place has consumed much of my energy, and attention for the past six years or more. Planning, then building, and running the business. It has been very much a home, the only home that Hilary has really known, and you could almost say the same for Travis. It has been a labour of love.
Sadly it is love labour's lost, for we have lost our home to our mortgagor, and along with it our life's savings. They are turning us out next month, and if they had their way it would be today.
This has been some time coming, those of you who are regular followers now know the reason for my (brief) hiatus last year. It has been a constant worry for some time, and in some ways it will be nice to have that weight lifted.
In some ways.
At the end of the day, we just couldn't generate enough business to survive. The building took a year longer than we anticipated, and cost hundred's of thousands more than we had budgeted. We essentially had to be constantly 2/3s full just to break even, and when December and January would roll around with practically no clients, it dug holes that were impossible to climb out of.
No one sets out to be a failure, certainly not me, but it isn't so much of being a failure at business that bothers me, but being a failure to my family. I let the people I love the most, the ones it is my responsibility to see that life turns out well for, down. That is the hardest part of all this. I can live with being a poor businessman. It is the being a poor parent and husband that is the heaviest weight.
But at the end of the day, we will get along. There are far worse things that could happen to us. We will not go without some sort of roof over our head, and we'll always have full bellies. And more importantly each other.
I've got another post in me, but after that I'm taking a short break. Not forever, and probably not even that lengthy. But my heart and mind are elsewhere right now. And you'll note that I've closed the comments on this post, I've done that purposely and I hope that you'll understand and respect that.
This kindness will I show.
Go with me to a notary, seal me there
Your single bond; and, in a merry sport,
If you repay me not on such a day,
In such a place, such sum or sums as are
Express'd in the condition, let the forfeit
Be nominated for an equal pound
Of your fair flesh, to be cut off and taken
In what part of your body pleaseth me. - Shylock.